The year was 1999, and I was starting my teenage years. While most people were worried about Y2K, I was worried about other things. My lines. My dance steps. My zipper being zipped. Even though I had what seemed like a lot of worries, I knew that I was meant to be an actor.
If you were to ask me before 2009 why I loved acting, I would say because I love the feeling of entertaining people, making them laugh, and money that you can make acting. Although that still may be true today, my reasons and desires for why I act has changed over the past years.
There is a great sensation that comes from research, exploration, and bonding with follow actors on a project. Whether it is a short film, experimental theatre, or weekly scene study class the feeling cannot be describe unless you encounter and go through it. The unknown. The fear and hesitation of what is coming next when performing.
Every time is the first time. At the end of every take, scene, and performance you get to die and do it again. It will not be the same as before. It may be better, it may be worse but I can guarantee that it will be raw and real.
The feeling of being vulnerable and open when working and knowing it is safe to be so, cannot be found in any other job. Tell me a job where one day you are a rocket scientist exploring a new rocket-propelled vehicle and the next day you a homeless man panhandling money in order to buy bread to eat. Diving into the life of a character, exploring the characteristics that make up the human race and then portraying the life to the world is why I act.
“…because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.” – Martha Graham